Our Work-Life Integration Experiment (and What We've Learned So Far)
Work-Life Integration Strategies That Have Helped Us
"Work-life balance." It sounds so appealing, doesn't it? The truth is, the idea of perfectly balanced scales, with work on one side and life on the other, is often a myth. Life isn't static; it's a dynamic, ever-shifting landscape. Trying to force it into neat little boxes can lead to more stress than it alleviates.
That's why I've come to embrace a different concept: work-life integration.
As a business owner who works with her husband - and sometimes her kids - this was a necessary shift in my thinking. I’d come from a corporate environment where I’d set hard boundaries for years (and at times was a bit of an asshole about her boundaries), so this wasn’t an easy mental leap to make… but it was a necessary one for my own sanity.
For us, integration is less about achieving a static equilibrium and more about finding a dynamic rhythm that allows work and life to coexist. It's about weaving the two together, acknowledging that they're interconnected parts of a whole, even if the weave changes from day to day.
When I say “Work-Life Integration,” I think the word integration acknowledges that work and personal life aren't separate entities but rather interconnected parts of a whole. It's about finding a rhythm that allows both aspects to coexist harmoniously, even if the tempo changes from day to day. It's not about achieving perfect equilibrium, but about creating a sustainable flow that works for you.
For me, amazingly - even though we own restaurants - it looks like a largely Monday-Friday office presence with time carved out for family on weekends. This may change when I don’t have kids at home anymore, but we still try to protect our evenings and weekends as much as we can for the family. To achieve this, we had to build up a team with many layers so that emergencies and weekend rushes could be supported without our constant intervention. In other words, achieving this balance was purposeful and planned and it took a lot of intentional work.
Finding your flow in balancing the two is especially relevant in today's world, where technology has blurred the lines between the office and our personal lives. We're constantly connected, and the pressure to be "on" can be overwhelming. And if you work with your spouse, like I do, the lines can become even more blurred.
Working with my husband has its own unique set of joys and challenges. We're partners in business and in life, which can be incredibly rewarding. But it also means that work conversations can easily spill over into dinner, and it can be difficult to switch off at the end of the day. If we go out to eat, we’re both studying (and yes, critiquing) the restaurants we eat at - looking for tips and tricks we could adopt to do better in our own operations. We've definitely had our fair share of "Can we please not talk about spreadsheets right now?!" moments. We’re rarely entirely “off.”
So, how do we navigate this? It's an ongoing experiment, but here are a few strategies that have helped us (and might help you, whether you work with your spouse or not) - I hope you find them helpful!
Defining Boundaries: What are your non-negotiables? For me, I don’t have many - but keeping work out of the bedroom is a frequent request of mine. That’s my inner sanctum - please keep your stressors out of my zen zone, thank you very much! Maybe it’s dedicated family time on weekends, or a regular date night. For us, having offices on opposite sides of the building has been surprisingly helpful. It creates a physical separation that signals "work time" versus "home time." We don’t know everything that happened to the other one during the day - so we still have some things to talk about at night.
Embracing the Ebb and Flow: Some days, work will demand more attention. Other days, your personal life will take center stage. That's okay! Don't beat yourself up for not maintaining perfect balance every single day. Instead, focus on the overall rhythm of your life and adjust accordingly. Give yourself permission to lean into what needs your attention most in the moment. If my Saturday gets gobbled up by a work event that needs my support, I carve out time later in the week for a sound bath, a hike or something that fills my bucket. In this life of entrepreneurship - especially restaurant ownership - flexibility is the name of the game. When I stopped being rigid in my thinking and began to embrace and work with the ebb and flow, my anxiety improved tremendously.
The Power of Our Tribe: When work and life get intertwined, we’ve found it’s essential to have a strong support network outside of your immediate work circle (even though our work circle often feels like family and IS amazing in so many ways, we need some separation.) For us, this means prioritizing our friendships. Marcus has Sunday Night Basketball - that’s his non-negotiable - a few pickup games of basketball with friends and beers afterward. I carve out bigger chunks of time for solo trips with friends.
Solo Time is Sacred: Time alone can be powerful - especially when you work with your spouse. For me, this can be as simple as a few minutes of meditation - my husband loves a long luxurious workout. I can’t recommend solo travel enough as a great way to use your solo time! Travel without a spouse is a chance to recharge, gain perspective, and come back refreshed. It also always helps me miss and appreciate my spouse in new ways.
Get out and explore the world without your partner. You'll come back with amazing stories to tell and a renewed appreciation for your spouse. Playing to our strengths (and delegating!): One of the benefits of working together is that we have complementary skill sets. He's the numbers whiz, and I'm more on the creative and strategic side. We trust each other's expertise and try not to step on each other's toes too much. This makes everything more efficient, both at work and at home. Whether you work with a spouse or not, knowing your strengths and weaknesses is key. Don't be afraid to delegate or ask for help when you need it. (We are uniquely blessed in that our areas of work don’t overlap - which eliminates potential pitfalls and conflict as well, thankfully.)
The ongoing communication journey: Communication is key in any relationship, but it's even more important when you work together. We try to be open and honest about our needs, challenges, and expectations. It's an ongoing conversation, and we're constantly learning and adjusting.
We're still figuring things out, to be honest. I believe in continuous growth, failure, learning and improvement. Work-life integration isn't a destination we arrive at; it's a path we walk, a dance we learn. It's a continuous process of discovery, adjustment, and grace. It's about giving ourselves permission to embrace the messy, beautiful, and sometimes chaotic reality of our lives and finding harmony within it, not in spite of it. It's about recognizing that our worth isn't tied to perfectly balanced scales, but to the richness and depth of a life well-lived, a life where both work and personal passions contribute to the whole.
So, as you navigate your own work-life journey, remember you're not alone. We're all in this together, learning, growing, and striving to create lives that feel authentic, fulfilling, and truly integrated. We'd love to hear what resonates with you – share your insights and experiences in the comments below, and let's continue this conversation together.
What are your tips for integrating work and life? I’m here to learn.
xoxo - Danni ∞